he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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