can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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