Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
