May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
