Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Randomize
