My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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