Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
