I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
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Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
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And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do