ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...