At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Are my feet made of real feet?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
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