I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
