She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
