Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
someone owes me an orgasm
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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