i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
