I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
