At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
