Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I did not marry a roomba.
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