i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Randomize
