How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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