I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
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He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
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You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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