i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
We're too hungover to prance.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
