She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
