Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
