Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
