he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
He felt like a one man threesome
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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