Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
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You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
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Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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