last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
