I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
my penis made a compromise with my morals
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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