I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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