So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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