No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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