Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
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