I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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