Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
