already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
