she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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