why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
