is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
