You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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