I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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