she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
