just tell him i said nine months
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
