she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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