So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
bring money and cleavage
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
