You're so nebulous sometimes
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
