i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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