You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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