So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
