omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
