I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
