Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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