Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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