Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
