I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
