K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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