The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
