Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
