you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
