Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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