haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
