Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
