so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
