People in love make me want to vomit
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Randomize
