3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
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ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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