i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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