Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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